Letters From the Past
by Meah.mai
Summary: While going through his things Sirius stumbles across some old notes and letters from his Hogwarts days and decides to read them with Remus. SB/RL slash. Don't like then please don't read. Set in the fall of OoTP
1. Prologue of Mind Rape

::Disclaimer:: I in no way own any of the characters mentioned below….. yes I know it's tragic, but we'll get through it together!

For reference:

Sirius

_Remus_

**James**

Peter

* * *

Hey Remus!

_What?_

I'm bored…

_And I care why?_

Because you love me! =D

_Get back to work Sirius_

But I don't want to! Not when I have you to entertain me

_Oh, so I'm only here for your entertainment?_

Isn't that part of a song?

_Don't change the subject_

I'm not! I was ju-

Hi guys!

_Hello Peter_

Way to interrupt me Wormtail…

Do you know the answer to #12?

_Yes. It's Wolfsbane_

Thank you Remus!

…. Is he gone?

_I think so… why? _

Good! Now I can write you dirty things!

_Oh Merlin…._

Like how I like your big, Fat, PULSATING co-

_Sirius!!_

What?

_Not on here!_

…. But what else am I supposed to write?

_Things not like that. Where people can _read_ them_

So you'd rather have me say it right I take it in my mouth and-

_SIRIUS!!!_

Ok ok! Just trying to have some fun…

_Well have fun some other way will you?_

There _is_ no other way

_Well if that's the case I'm getting back to work. Good bye Pads_

No! You can't go Remmypoo!

_Remmypoo?_

You can't leave me here all alone-

_I'm sitting right behind you_

With no one to protect me! What if Snivillus gets an idea and tries to mind rape me? 

_He's not going to mind rape you Sirius…_

And then I fall to the floor, writhing in agonizing mind rape pain! 

_That's not going to happen_

You never know! When you leave it could all be over for me!

_And how will me continuing to write to you going stop Snape's supposed mind rape? _

When I stop writing and collapse on the floor you'd be the first to kick Snivillus' greasy ass! Then when I awaken I shall kiss you sweetly into the night!! 

_But it still happened…_

Curse you and your always being right!

_I'm just lucky like that I suppose_

Hey, the bell's going to ring

_Ok, thanks Peter_

Yeah Peter… thanks….

Yep. And may I add that I think the only person Snape would mind rape would be Lily?

**That slimeball had better stay the fuck away from my Lily's mind!**

How did you…?

_Told you they'd be reading this…_

*******

Sirius Black looked up from the old piece of parchment in his hands. It had to have been at least twenty years since he had last laid his eyes upon it, let alone read it. Gingerly he set the note back on the desk. How many others were still buried in his old room? His eyes swept across the littered floor, hopefully when the Aurors had searched the place they had left them behind. Crossing over to the large wardrobe he began his search.

*******

"Hey, Remus!" The werewolf looked up from the book he was reading to find his lover staring intently at him from across the table.

"Finally! I was sitting her from ages waiting to see if you'd notice me! But you didn't…"

Remus blinked, "You were?"

"Yes, but that's not important right now," Sirius said with a wave of his hand. "Guess what I found!"

Remus sighed, "I have no idea Sirius. What have you found?" By his tone of voice it was clear he was just humouring the excited dog anamagus.

Grinning Sirius bent down and brought up from under the table an old black box. Setting it on the table Remus could tell that it used to be encrusted with some type of gem, but they had all been pried off. Probably Mundungus' doing...

"How fascinating. You seem to have found a box." Remus said, voice dripping with sarcasm, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards at the glare he received.

"It's _in_ the box you idiot." Sirius pushed the box over, Remus carefully pulling off the lid. Most of Sirius' surprises hadn't been exactly pleasant in the past and he learned to be exceptionally cautious.

Peering inside he found a large stack of old parchment, the ink fading with age. Taking the sheet on top he began to read, a few lines in a smile spread across his face.

"You actually kept these?" Remus asked astonished.

"Yep!"

* * *

And remember... reviews make for a happy writer and a faster update!!! XD


	2. Amazing Incredible Romance

There was some confusion as to whether or not Sirius and Remus were going out or not. The question is yes, but some of the letter/note things will be from before they were and admitted feelings and blah blah blah. So yeah! I'll clear that up better =]

And a thank you to:: JoJosoup, Sarlovessoccer, and XxgawjussemokidxX Your amazing!!!!! XD

***

Sirius

_Remus_

**James**

Peter

* * *

(The beginning of seventh year. Relationships: Sirius and Remus)

**The most amazing thing just happened! **

What what!?

It doesn't have anything to do with Evans does it?

_Knowing James it probably does….._

**We just had a full conversation!**

Oh… Is that all?

**What do you mean 'is that all'? This is the best thing to ever happen to me!**

I thought I was the best thing to ever happen to you 

**You are my doggie friend, but this has to be the most incredible!**

But I _am_ incredible!

_I'd agree to that_

Thank you Moonykins! 3 3

**Oh great… you just made his ego even bigger….**

Nobody's ego could get bigger than yours James

**That's not true! Snivillus has a gargantuan ego. **

Yeah…. That's true

So what did you and Lily talk about?

**Well we were partnered up in Muggle Studies and-**

Hold on! Doesn't Evans live with muggles?

**Yes**

Then why is she taking Muddle Studies!?

**I don't know! Ask her. Anyways, we had to do a mini-project on why muggles need cars for transportation… real easy. She told me how she and her family once took a road trip out to the country when she was little and we sorta based the project around that. She looked beautiful. **

_That sounds…. Romantic? _

**It was romantic Moony! **

I can feel you swooning all the way from here James. It's not exactly pleasant. 

I think you might be getting her to like you

**Really? You think so?**

Yeah!

**Oh Wormtail! You really know how to make a man's heart yearn for their beloved!**

I do?

**Yes! **

How very talented of me!

I think I may be sick

**Just because you think that you and Remus can be the only happy couple in existence doesn't mean I can't have a part in romance too **

_I think you should have a happy relationship James_

**See! Even your love agrees with me**

No! Remikins! How could you go over to the dark side! Why did you leave me here all alone!?? 

_Again, you're not alone; I'm three desks over. _

Really? You are?

**Don't tell me you didn't realize he was in this class too**

I knew he was! I just didn't think he was that close….

**Uh huh…. If I were you Moony I would deny him everything until he apologizes. **

_You know, that might not be such a bad idea _

Moonylicious!! You can't do that!

_Watch me_

* * *

Remember! Reviews make for a happy writer and a faster update!!!!!


	3. Blush

Ok… this one is short and I REALLY don't like it. But I promise you the next on will be longer and better. PROMISE!!!

***

Sirius  
_Remus  
**James  
Peter**_

* * *

(Middle of fifth year. Relationships: none, just crushes)

**This class is so BORING! Why do we even **_**need**_** History of Magic?**

My thoughts exactly…

_I think it's fascinating. _

**Of course you would Moony**

_I mean who would've guessed that so much happened right under muggles' noses? _

I would. Muggles are idiots! They don't know anything

**And it doesn't make it less boring…**

_Well it's important so pay attention. I'm not going to help you on the homework tonight if you don't. _

Just because it's important doesn't mean it isn't boring as Hell

**Is that a muggle swear I hear?**

Yes. They're much more effective than wizard swears

Weren't you just saying that muggles don't know anything?

About magic they don't! But with swears it's so much better. I mean how threatening is me calling you a blubbering snushacker? Really…

**Not at all**

How could you say such a horrible thing!?

Oh Peter. Little Peter. When you become as fantastically amazing as me you can say anything your little heart desires. 

Really?

Oh yes. 

_Sirius, don't fill his mind with such lies. You are just merely amazing. _

Hehe. I AM amazing aren't I

**Aww! Moony! You made him blush!**

HE DID NOT!!!

**Did too**

I don't like you…

**And you didn't even deny it the second time. See, he **_**did**_** blush**

_That's nice James_

**What? You don't even care? **

_I do. But I don't want to make it a big deal. And besides, Padfoot blushes at everything._

I do not! 

**Actually, now that you mention it… he does**

_See, not a big deal_

**But he does blush a lot more when you're around Remus**

Ok! Enough with this conversation!

**But we were just getting started!**

I said enough!

**Ok! Sheesh**

…Soo ummm. How's life?

What kind of a question is that?

A one that requires an answer

Well then I refuse to answer it!

_Life is pretty good Peter. And you?_

Fine. James?

**Boring!!!!!!!**

_Oh Merlin… not that again_

**He asked and he got an answer. Which is more than what he received from Mr. Pouty over there.**

I don't pout! And I don't blush!

**I'm looking at you right now Pads and you are most definitely pouting. **

LIES!!!!

_Hey… class is just about over. _

**Really?**

_Yes_

Finally!!!

* * *

Remember! Review!!!! I have a ton of alerts but those reviews really do make me happy. And happy writers mean better stories! =D


	4. Eternal Epic Boyfriend Status

Two updates in one day!? There really must be something wrong with me…  
AND! It's a long one! YAY! XD

And a **BIG** thank you to LunaLovegood78, Tigger76, Sarlovesoccer, JoJosoup, Kianie Black, Annouska, Heiressofanor, Maurader's Queen, Scoffy-is-a-nutcase, Tazzie21, XxgawjussemokidxX, and xXMizLilyEvansXx

Lots and Lots of cookies for you all! You're AMAZING!!! ^^

***

Sirius  
_Remus  
__**James**  
Peter_

* * *

(End of seventh year. Relationships: Sirius and Remus, Lily and James)

_Last class before exams_

**It's almost sad in a way**

Sad? I'm bloody excited!

_You would be Pads_

I can't wait to start my Auror training!

_You haven't even taken your NEWTS yet. How can you possibly know if you'll have enough to qualify? _

Well thanks for the support babe

_I knew you'd like it_

**The two of us are going to make amazing Aurors. You just wait!**

_I don't doubt it….._

**Why so glum Rem?**

_You know I can't get a job with my furry little problem so there's nothing for me to look forward to. _

Sure there is! Our marriage of course, and then I'm sure Dumbledore could convince the school to let you teach here. They let you come to school didn't they?

**Exactly! You're too hard on yourself**

_Maybe. _

Aw c'mon Remmypoo, be happy. Please?

_I am happy_

Bull

**We're your best friends, we know when something's wrong **

_It's nothing really… it's just… My mother's not doing very well and instead of going off to do whatever I should really look after her you know. _

How come you never told us any of this before?

_I just found out two days ago. I've been thinking about what I wanted to do since then._

Oh…

_Once she gets better I want see about teaching here though. _

**That would be great! What would you teach?**

_Probabl-_

No wait! Let me guess…. Defence Against the Dark Arts!

_Haha, you know me too well_

Yeah I do! I especially know _how_ you like it as well

**Pads! I do NOT want to know this! UGH! **

Just like we don't want to know the placement of every single freckle on Lily's face? 

**That's different!**

I think not

Sirius has a point

**Peter! You finally joined us! Where were you? **

Slughorn me recite all the ingredients to an Invulnerability potion. It was horrible!

Seriously? That's awful! There must be at least 50 in the first part alone!

I missed a whole bunch of them; he kept shaking his head at me and tutting.

**I really don't like that guy. He picks favourites and then makes everyone who isn't good at potions look like idiots. **

Thank Merlin we don't ever have to have him again!

**Another reason why today is so great!**

_You won't be saying that tonight when we're studying for Monday_

Ugh! Remus, don't remind me! I've been dreading that since the end of last year…

**Really you have?**

Well maybe not _that_ long but you get the idea

_Uh huh…._

Don't you be thinking that too Moonykins!

**You know… that could've been a threatening statement… but then you added Moonykins to the end**

And what is that supposed to mean Potter?

**You couldn't be a threat even if you wanted to**

Yes I could!

_Only is someone stole your hair brush and shampoo_

**Then we'd have to prepare ourselves for a full out war**

Have I ever told you how much I hate you two?

_Really? You hate me? That's not what you said last night_

**Ohhh what happened last night?**

Thought you didn't want to know that kind of stuff Prongs

**So it **_**was **_**that!**

Well yeah… you should already know that since it happened right next to you

**WHAT!?**

Yep! You and Peter were asleep and apparently Remus got a bit… bored

_I wasn't the one crawling into the other one's bed_

So I was bored too. Big deal

**It IS a big deal! Peter and I were innocent bystanders that could've woken up at any time! **

Gross!!

How do you know you didn't wake up?

……….

**……….**

What!?

**WHAT!!???**

Haha nothing. I just kid. 

**You better be!**

If you did wake up you'd probably remember wouldn't you?

_Unless they secretly liked it and don't want to tell_

**Eww! Remus! That's just….. ewww!!!**

HA! That was fantastic Loveykins! I didn't know you had that in you!

_You didn't?_

**Wow Sirius… you're not that good of a boyfriend if you didn't know that**

Don't go lecturing me about how a good boyfriend should act!

**Well from my experience I'm doing a good job. All I wanted to do was share my great wisdom with you**

I don't need it

**Okay. But don't come crawling back to me when you find yourself in a situation that needs my amazing love expertise!**

I don't plan on it. My mind blowing kissing skills will crush your lowly love expertise. 

**You wanna bet!**

Yeah!

Your not planning on kissing each other are you…?

**Oh hell no! **

Why would you think of something like that!?

Just sounded like it…..

_…………_

**For the bet I'll woo my Lily with my love expertise…**

And I'll amaze Remus with my kissing skills

**Then we'll see who's a better boyfriend in the end**

Flawless!

_I rather like this bet….._

What does the winner get?

_I vote chocolate_

The winner gets eternal epic boyfriend status-

_Eternal epic boyfriend status…?_

**A weeks worth of all the chocolate they and their chosen lover can eat**

And 13 galleons, 6 sickles, and 24 knuts!

**Why that much?**

Because that's all I have right now….

**Okay! Deal!**

Deal!

_Who's the judge?_

**You and Lily of course**

_But won't we just vote for-_

**Nonsense!**

It is flawless!!!

_Whatever you say…_

**FLAWLESS!!!!!!**

* * *

•Review•Review•Review•Review•Review•Review•Review•Review•Review•Review•  
Please?


	5. The Extra Secret Chocolate Retrial Spell

I'm so So SOOOO sorry for the long update! I have no excuse, just laziness -_-  
To make it up for this I have two extra long letters just for you! (Well… maybe not extra long but there ARE two!)

And again a HUGE thank you to…. Sarlovesoccer, JoJosoup, Tigger76, LunaLovegood78, Tazzie21, Sarahmo, Aly208, Kianie Black, Annouska, Heiressofanor, Maurader's Queen, Scoffy-is-a-nutcase, ShinoHina4eva, XxgawjussemokidxX, and xXMizLilyEvansXx

You guys make my world! Chocolate covered cookies for you all!

***  
Sirius  
_Remus  
**James  
Peter**_

_**

* * *

(Middle of Third year. Relationships: None)**_

**First test… is it working?**

Yes!

**YES! We are victorious!**

Amazing!

**Our intelligence is unmatched!**

We will take the wizarding world by storm! Befuddling them with our extensive knowledge!

**And outrageous use of clever wording! **

They won't know what hit them!

_Uhm… excuse me, but who was the one who cast the charms to make this work?_

….. You

_And without whom you would never have this ingenious note passing paper?_

…**.. You**

_So really who is the amazing and victorious wizard who will take the world by storm?_

You are

**You are…**

_I'm glad we finally have this understanding_

Ah... Rem… you take the fun out of everything =[

_That's my job_

Does it work?

_Yes, it works_

How else do you think we're talking to each other?

I couldn't see the stuff on the top before. I think mine's broken…

_I'll take a look at it over dinner_

Okay. Thanks!

_Anytime_

**So what should we call this thing?**

How about Sirius' Amazing, Wonderful, Sexy, Irrisistabl-

_No_

**No**

No

You didn't let me finish!

**We didn't have to**

You're all so mean to me…

**What about the Mssr's Note?**

_Or the Marauder's Note_

I think I like Remus'

Me too… but I think we should throw in a Sexy somewhere

**The Marauder's Note it is!**

What? No Sexy!? It could be the Sexy Marauder's Note or the Marauder's Sexy Note or the Marauder's Note of Sexy-Sex or-

**What is wrong with you?**

_Aside from the usual_

Nothing! I'm just hyper is all

_Just hyper?_

Well… no. But that's beside the point! 

**What did you take and why didn't you share!?**

Nothing!

_James, look at him, he's literally jumping off his seat_

**I know. He must have something. Like that one potion…. What was its name?**

_Oh you mean the one that makes your brain go fuzzy and you start spewing out random thoughts?_

**Yeah that one**

_I forget_

Remus? Forget!?

_I know… it's horrible_

**Watch! He's going to start forgetting our names! Rem! My friend! What is my name!?**

_I just wrote it up-_

**Oh Merlin! It's already begun!**

Quick! He needs chocolate!

**Oh no! I don't have any!**

We need to perform the Extra Secret Chocolate Retrial spell!! 

**Hurry! Before it's too laatee!**

Oh no! I've been spotted!

**Noooo!!!**

Nooooo!!!!!!

**I'm sorry Remus… we were just…. Too… late**

Before you loose your memory completely… I just want to tell you…. I… love…. Pineapple!

_You two are way too overdramatic_

**Hehe **

You love it

_It's entertaining_

**Good!**

I keep on getting just bits and pieces =(

_I'm sorry Peter. Just hang in there a bit longer_

But I'm in History…..

**Oh Merlin how I feel for you**

I hate that class

_We all know that Sirius_

Haha you DO don't you. Good times man, good times

_If you consider listening to a four hour rant good times…_

**I do!**

_Of course you would James… of course_

Oh my god!

**What?**

_What?_

You remembered James' name!!

**Gasp! He did!**

You're CURED!!!

_There was never anything wrong with me_

**Denial is a sure sign of infection**

It only goes down hill from then I'm afraid

**The boy had so much promise!**

He was the brightest Hogwarts had ever seen!

**It was a shame to have seen him go like that**

Everyday his mind would grow ever weaker

**Until one day….**

That one fateful and horrible day…

**He just went…**

Poof!

**Poof…**

_Poof? _

**It was tragic**

_I'm done listening to you people_

**What! WHY?**

We didn't do anything!

_Well if you haven't noticed it's time to go. _

Oh really? Sweet!

**POOF!!**

**

* * *

Reviews make for a Happy Writer! And Happy Writer's write more! YAY! XD**


	6. Special Occasion Concussions

I planned to do a back-to-back update but alas… it didn't work quite as I envisioned. I'm not a huge fan of the end, but it will suffice. =]

***

Sirius  
_Remus  
**James  
Peter**_

_**

* * *

**_

(Mid Sixth Year. Relationships: Sirius and Remus)

Ugh! I feel horrible

_Well maybe if you hadn't drunk so much last night you'd feel better_

It was a special occasion! 

_You broke into the Slytherin Common Room, stole one of the chairs, hit Snape with it and almost gave him a concussion, and received three months of detention with a note home to your parents. How is that special? _

**How is it not!**

No, no James. Remmy is right. 

_I am?_

**He is?**

Yes. What I did last night was merely a grand moment of sporadic joy. Now if I had actually given Snivillus the concussion more fire whiskey would've been drunk. 

**I agree!**

How come you aren't as hung over as Sirius?

That is an excellent question!

**A secret potion of my own concocting**

_So you stole it from Slughorn?_

**No!**

Give me some!

**No can do my friend. It's all gone**

WHAT!?

**Yep, I drank it all**

Liar!

**I don't lie**

Bullshit!

**You doubt me?**

Yes!

**You are right to do so**

Give it to me!

**I don't have to**

He's right you know

Don't side with him! Side with me!

_It was your own fault you know… drinking so much_

Not you too! Traitors! All of you!

**See, even your Remmypoo**

_Oh god… not you too_

**Agrees with me. Face it Pads, I'm amazing**

If I didn't have this massive headache…

**Ah, threats. I love hearing them from you**

_They are quite adorable don't you think?_

**Not scary in the least bit**

Until I'm standing over your bed with some first year's head in my hands…

_Awwww!!!_

**He's like a kitten thinking it's a lion!**

_Oh look! He's fuming in a kitten like way_

**Awwww!!!!!!!**

_Let's hug him!_

Don't hug me!

_I think I'm going to hug him_

No! Stay ri-!

………

**Did you really hug him?**

_Yes!_

Heh… the teacher was so confused

**Ah! I wish I could've been there!**

_He just kind of watched me walk over and hug him. It was great!_

**You need to do it next period! You **_**have**_** to!**

_I'll see what I can do_

Noo! The next class is with the Slytherins! You're NOT doing it there.

**What's the matter Padfoot? Scared?**

Wha-? No!

**You sure act it**

I don't act like anything

_He's trying to be the tiger again_

**It's not exactly working though**

_Just makes him appear more kitten-like_

**How cute**

I wish you wouldn't talk as if I weren't there…

**Sorry Padfoot. Would you like to saying anything pertaining to how cute and kitten like you are acting today?**

No!

_Then James and I will just have to continue writing as if you weren't here. Goodbye Sirius._

No! Don't leave! I'll…. I'll cry!

_Aww Siri… don't cry! _

Can I have another hug?

_Of course you can…. Next period_

Moonykins!!!!

_Yes?_

I want it now….

**There he goes… pouting to get his way**

_It works surprisingly well… at times not like this_

Moony! 

_You'll get one. _

**Oh look! You get one sooner than you thought. Class is basically over**

Hooray! Hugs!

* * *

Reviews.


	7. Worrying Leads To Confessions

Sirius  
_Remus  
**James  
Peter**_

_**

* * *

**_

_**(Beginning Fifth Year. Relationships: none, just crushes… yay!)**_

James…. I'm worried about Remus

**Don't be. He's fine!**

But he looked so horrible…

**I'm sure he's been through worse before, he can take it**

Oh yeah, that just made be feel loads better

**You're welcome**

That was sarcasm

**Oh.**

Why did _he_ have to get bitten?

**It wasn't his fault**

I know that. I just don't like him turning.. Sometimes I think he'll…

**He'll what?**

… hurt himself so bad he… that he'll…

**Sirius. Stop it. He's not going to kill himself**

How do you know?

**Trust me**

…..

**Sirius?**

Yeah?

**You need to stop worrying. He'll be fine like he always is. We'll even go visit him after this class**

Ok…

**C'mon… be happy!**

How can I be? This is the worse he's been…. 

**He's going to be fine!**

Sigh… okay. 

…**. Are you happy?**

Meh

**Siri! Be happy! Please?**

…. Do I sense a begging tone?

**I don't beg. Now stop being sad!**

I'm not sad. I'm worried. And yes, you are begging

**I **_**don't **_**beg!**

Heh, I think you do. You beg Evans to go out with you constantly. 

**She's different! … I love her**

Already? That was fast

**I've loved her since the moment I spotted her flaming red hair! Since the instant I laid eyes upon her flawless face! Since I noticed-**

Wow… someone's hopeless… 

**Just because you have never loved doesn't mean you can mock me!**

How do you know I haven't?

**Ahhh! So who's the lucky girllll?**

….. I don't have to tell you

**Why!? You know who I love!**

The whole _school _knows who you love

**Haha! Oh yeah! But please! I want to know!**

I don't know if it's for certain yet…

**That there means you do! Now tell me!**

I… I can't!

**Sirius!**

No

**Please!**

Never

**C'mon!**

You sound like a little schoolgirl…. Begging

**I don't care! Tell me**

No

**Ah c'mon! It's not like you're telling me your gay or anything**

……

**Oh Merlin… You're gay!**

Wha- No!

**Oh god… You **_**are**_**!**

No I'm not!

**And your obsessive Remus worrying…**

James don't…

**It all fits!**

No it doesn't _fit_. I'm not gay and I don't like Remus. 

…**. Really?**

Sigh… no

**So it's….**

True? Yeah, I suppose it is. 

**Oh wow... That's… wow**

…..

**You're still my best friend if that's what you're worried about. **

Really?

**Yeah!**

Thanks

**Of course!**

Heh… this sounds awfully cheesy

**Yeah it does**

So uh… do you think he likes me too?

**I don't know. Ask him**

No! Hell no! No fucking way no!

**Why not?**

Well… what if he doesn't? What if he's not gay? What if that changes everything between us!? What if he thinks I'm a freak!!?? 

**He won't think that. He's too smart**

I don't want things to change….

**We didn't change**

Yeah but I didn't confess my undying love towards you did I?

**Well uhm… no**

See! That's different!

What's different?

**Sorry Peter… but this is a closed conversation**

Oh…. Okay…

Is he gone yet?

**Yes**

Thank god!

**Why don't you like him?**

What, Peter? I get a bad vibe from him… like… I dunno. 

**Oh, ok. I still think you should tell Moony**

I'll think about it. 

**All right, that's better than nothing I guess **

How much longer till we see him?

**About ten minutes**

Good! 

**Ah, young love… How sweet!**

Mention this to ANYONE and I swear I'll…

**You swear what? What will you do? **

I'll…. I'll do something… something bad! And evil! … and bad

**I'm so scared I'm shaking**

You should be

**I am**

Good

**Good**

….. Is it time to leave yet?

**I just said ten minutes 2 minutes ago**

So is that a no?

**Yes**

Fuck!

**Hehe. Muggle swears. They make me happy!**

**

* * *

Review! Lots and Lots of Alerts but hardly any reviews. Please? You'll get rice krispies! =D**


	8. Impostors?

Oh yay, a new chapter! It's a really long one too =]  
And extra special thanks to everyone that has reviewed, favourited, alerted, and of course read this. You guys are all amazing!

***  
Sirius  
_Remus  
**James  
Peter**_

_**

* * *

(End of fourth year. Relationships: Sirius crush on Remus)**_

I like waffles

Ugh, waffles are disgusting! 

**What!? You don't like waffles!!?? How are we even friends?**

They're gross! I mean... who really wants to shove a piece of... of _waffle_ in their mouth? 

I do

You'll shove anything in your mouth

**That's what he said! Oooohhhhhhhh!!! XD**

That's what who said?

I'm lost

**Ugh... forget it**

Forgotten. Now you know what I like?

**No, and I don't care**

I like hamburgers

_You actually know what those are?_

Yeah! And they're amazing! So much better than waffles

**No way! Waffles so out taste your American hamburgers**

I never said they were American. They could be English

**I doubt it**

You just don't want to admit you're wrong!

**I'm never wrong. You know why? Because I'm amazing**

Uh… no

**Don't be giving me attitude Black!**

Don't be using my last name that that _Potter_!

**Oh I can use it anyway I want **_**Black**_

No you can't _Potter_! You are simply not worthy enough

**Worthy? I am worthy of the whole freakin' planet! **

Ha! Sure you are Potter

**Yeah! I'll prove it too! **

How?

**I don't know… but I will! Someday!!**

You won't 

**I will!**

_Uhm.. can we start a new conversation?_

Why? You don't like _this _conversation?

_No, not really, no. _

**You're so not fun Rem!**

_Eh… I know_

So what do we talk about now?

Harajuku Dance Rock!

**Come again?**

Harajuku Dance Rock…

What the hell is that?

Japanese rock… j-rock

**Uhm… I vote no**

Agreed

**How about we talk about… Quidditch!!! **

Yeah!

_No…_

**WHAT!? Why not! Quidditch is like… like life Remus! I need it to survive!!!**

_Because. Every other word out of your mouth is Quidditch… widen your interests. _

**LILY!!!**

We are NOT talking about her

**But…. She's like life!!! I neeedddd her to SURVIVE!!!!!!**

_You just said that abo-_

**SURVIVEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!**

I think he's lost it

_Yep.._

Poor soul

_I leave pity on his heart_

So Remus! How are you?

_Alright I suppose_

Awww what's wrong?

_Nothing_

I don't believe you

_You never believe anything_

Sure I do! I believe that you're Remus 

_How do you know?_

Oh Merlin! There's an impostor! Quick! Send out the Impossible to Escape Catch-o-Postor 1200!! 

_What's that?_

**Only the best impostor-ridding module in the world**

_Is it real?_

…**.**

….

**That doesn't matter! What **_**does**_** matter is that it will take you out impostor!**

WAIT! Before we send it out… we have to make sure he really isn't the _real _Remsie

**Okay. But how?**

We need to ask him things only the real Remus would know

**Oh! Me first! What is Remus' favourite poem?**

… _The Raven_

No no! Too easy! Quote it! 

_Do I ha-_

QUOTE!!!!

_Sigh… Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary_

**Everyone knows that part! A different one**

_Why do I ha-_

**DIFFERENT!!!**

_Wow you guys are pushy… 'Wretch,' I cried, 'thy God hath lent thee – by these angel he has sent thee Respite – respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore! Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!' Quoth the raven, 'Nevermore.' _

You didn't get carried away….

_I like the poem…._

**Another question!**

_I didn't prove I was me yet?_

**No! **

Whose the sexiest man in the world!? Tell me!

_Uhm…_

Oh no. He can't say!

**Doom!**

Oh the horror!

**I'm melting!**

Melting?

**Yes! **

Nooo!!!!

**Nooo!!!!**

_Have I proven I'm me now?_

**One more question!**

_Sigh… fine_

How many freckles does Remmy have on the right side of his neck?

_What?_

**Yeah! That's a good one!**

_I don't count my freckles_

Well why not? I did

…_You did?_

It was history of magic I was bored

_So you counted my freckles?_

Yep!

_So how many are there?_

Eight

_Okay then… I have eight freckles on the right side of my neck_

**Gasp! Cheater!**

_Blame Sirius. He told me_

**SIRIUS! How could you?**

Well then ask another one instead

**How many words are there in a History of Magic?**

_I didn't count the _words_!_

**Tell me!!!!**

_76, 944_

**Wow….. really?**

_I don't know!_

Watch it be the real answer…

**That'd be so cool!**

_Am I Remus now?_

Yeah sure

**Don't give in to his mind control!!!**

But he's-

**Oh no! You're an impostor too!!! **

I'm not an impostor

**I need to ask you a question!**

Sigh… whatever… be quick about it though

**What is the song Sirius secretly dances around to when he thinks no one's looking**

Ba- WAIT! You _know _about that!?

…**. Yes**

_Yep_

Fuuuckk….

**Well… What is it?**

…..Bad Romance….

_I think he's Sirius_

**Yeah… me too**

Good! Because I'm me! And fantabulously sexy too

**Huh? You say something?**

_I didn't hear anything_

You guys are so mean to me

_That means we're doing our job_

You know… what if James is the real impostor?

_Or Peter?_

Eh… Peter hasn't been writing anything

**But he could be reading**

Oh god… oh no! He knows all our secrets!!!

What are you talking about? I'm me!

I bet you anything that it could be Snivillus 

**Quick! Question him!**

What is your anamagus?

….A mouse

**WRONG!!!!**

It's a rat you greasy git!

_Where's Peter?_

I don't need to tell you

**Just you wait! You'll pay for doing this!**

As if Potter

Get your filthy hands off our things and maybe we'll spare you a hex or two

I hardly think this is yours; you aren't smart enough to create such a thing

Remus is. Now put it down before I make you

You can'-

…**. What did you do?**

I told you… the Impossible to Escape Catch-o-Postor 1200 can catch any impostor

**Hazah! **

* * *

Fun Fact!!! Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone has 76, 944 words…Yay!!! XD


	9. The Magic of Christmas with Sirius Black

Almost 30 reviews! Thank you!!! You are ALL amazing! =D  
Haha. Okay, now that I have that out of my system I have a surprise for youuu. But you have to wait until Christmas to get it. That said… on with the notes!

***  
Sirius

_Remus_

**James**

Peter

**_

* * *

_**

(Beginning of fifth year. Relationships: Sirius Crush on Remus)

I can't wait till Chriiistmaaassss!!

_It's still two months away Sirius_

I don't care. I LOVE Christmas!

_I couldn't tell_

Really? You couldn't?

**I can't wait till CHRISTMAS!!!**

I know! Me Either!

**It's gonna be amazing this year!**

The absolute _best_

_What are you two talking about?_

**We've been planning it for months!**

I'm so excited! I can't WAIT to see the looks on their faces!

_Can I be let in on this?_

**No. **

You'd stop us

_So it's really that bad?_

**Uhhh…**

Ehhh…

**Yeah**

Yes

_Great… I'm not going to your house then James_

**Aww c'mon Rems! You can't miss out on all the fun!**

_Yes I can. I'd hear all about it at the New Years party anyways_

Yeah but that's not as fun as actually being there

_Sigh… okay, fine. _

YAY!

**I knew you'd come**

Remsie is gonna be there! Yaaaayyy!!!!

_I wonder about you sometimes_

**As do I**

Naaww really? That's so sweet! You two are my most bestest friends in the world

_We know_

**It's cause we're incredible **

You ARE incredible!

**Hehe, I know**

Am I incredible too?

Yeah sure whatever

Cool!

**Are you coming to my house for Christmas this year Pete?**

I think so. But my mum might make me stay home. Maybe the next day

**Bummer…. **

You're gonna miss the MAGIC!

What magic?

The magic of Christmas with Sirius Black of course! It's only the best kind

Ahh.. right. Of course it is

You doubt me?

Uhm… yes. Yes I do

You're so mean!

**Moving on…**

_What do you think you're going to get?_

**I dunno… hopefully a new broom! That'd be fantastic! **

If you get one you _have_ to let me ride it!

**Of course **

Yes!

_I don't see the excitement in getting a new broom. They're all the same aren't they?_

Remus! Brooms are _not _all the same. It's like… like books. Books aren't all the same are they?

_Well.. no_

You see! They are an important part of society, without them the world would perish. True story

**I believe it**

As do I James, as do I

_You two are crazed_

**Yep! And I enjoy it immensely**

Someday Moons I will make you ride a broomstick and you will see just how essential to life it really is!

_For some reason I don't think that will_

Oh it will Moony, it will

**I want to be there!**

Okay!

**Yes! **

_Don't I get a say in this?_

Nope

_I thought as much_

Then why did you ask?

_I hoped I was wrong. _

You're never wrong

_I know_

**I LOVE LILY!!!!  
**Uhm…

_That wasn't random_

**It wasn't! She just looked at me with those brilliant green eyes**

Oh Merlin… quick! He needs an intervention!

_Before his mind goes into Lily-overdrive!_

James! Can you hear us? 

_He won't be able to hear us, we're writing!_

Heh… oh yeah. JAMES!!! Can you read this?

**Yes… it smells like Lily**

_It smells li-_

He's completely gone! NOOO!!!!

**She's so close.. so close**

That means she's across the room

**Close…..**

God damn it! Pull yourself together man!

_Maybe he'll snap out of it next period_

I hope so. I sit next to him. Have you ever heard him go on for and hour straight about how glossy her hair is?

_No but I've heard you go on for two hours about how bouncy yours was_

That's different

_You're right. It's worse_

…. I glare at you

_Good_

**She's like a jewel. A precious emerald, a fiery ruby!**

I'm like a jewel, and don't you ever forget it! 

_Forgotten_

I don't like you

_I thought you just said I was your best friend_

Yes… but I can still hate you

_That makes no sense at all_

**It makes perfect sense**

Oh look! He's back

**It's like when Lily says she hates me, it's code for: I love you James!**

_Somehow I doubt that_

Me too

**How do you know? **

Trust us James. We know

**LIAR!**

I don't lie

**Oh really? Okay. Lily never lies…….**

_And he's gone again_

Pity… I wanted to ask him something

_What?_

You'll never know!!!!!! Woooooshhhh

_Why did you just 'wooosh'?_

Eh.. I was bored

_Oh_

Yeah… Sooo…. Remsie

_Yes?_

Have you any.. you know… special love interest?

_What?_

Well… James likes Lily and Peter than Hufflepuff girl so I was just wondering….

_Oh uhm… no. Not really_

Oh.. ok. 

…_.._

…..

_How about you?_

… Nahhhh

_Ok…_

**Hah! That was awkward wasn't it!**

I have no idea what you are talking about James

**Haha! You would**

I think I liked him better when he was fawning over his unobtainable love

_Me too_

**Are you talking about Lily?**

…. No

**Oh, good. You aren't allowed to speak of her. She's too good for you**

Ahh well. She doesn't know what she's missing apparently

**Yeah! She's missing me!**

_I don't think so _

**Yes! Somewhere deep in her heart**

Veeerrryyy deep

**She is missing the poor soul that is me**

_Hey uh… poor soul_

**Yes?**

_The bell's already rung_

**Has it?**

…………**.**

**Guys?**

**Moony?**

**Sirius?**

**Naww crap… They're gone.**

**

* * *

**

I hoped you liked it! And don't forget to be back Christmas!!! I'll be putting it up early =D


	10. The Bet

Merry Christmas!!! Or for those who don't celebrate… Happy Holidays!!! =)  
Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing and everything

And so… You're present:  
Tons of people wanted to know the results of the bet and I've been trying to think of the best way to write it. Since it was the last class of their Hogwarts life it couldn't be a letter and just saying who won wouldn't have been very fun. So… this is what I came up with!

Enjoy!  
***

The sun was hot on his back, the warm breeze blowing his hair around in lazy strands. Birds sung happily in the treetops while students kicked off their shoes and sunk their toes into the crystal clear lake. Adjusting his glasses, James walked slowly around the edge of the forest, looking.

At first he wasn't quite so sure on how he would captivate his Lily's heart that night. Many ideas had run through his mind, some alluring, others just downright dreadful. Not long before he had started his search had he finally decided on the perfect one.

Coming across a spot that looked promising James picked through the tall grass, determined to find it. Finally, after hours of trying to uncover the right one he held it in his hand. Smiling he tucked the treasure safely in his pocket and made his way back up to the castle.

-x-

Sirius leaned back in the overstuffed armchair, his eyes closing halfway. Letting out a breath of air his insides twisted with anticipation. Just the mere thought of what he was going to do heightened his senses, his skin feeling as if it were trying to leap off his bones and submerge itself in the ecstasy it wanted so badly to touch.

Groaning he sat back up, his silver eyes looking expectantly at the empty portrait hole. Remus had been gone for nearly an hour now, an hour longer than what Sirius had wanted. He could never admit it out loud but longed for his love, the soft smell of chocolate, the warmth of his skin against his, the way his perfect eyes watched him as if he were the only one left in the world…

Without warning the door opened and his heart went a flutter, blood pouring quickly throughout his body. It wasn't until James stepped in did the moment pass, his wide smile depleting slightly.

"Where've you been?" He asked, watching as James flopped tiredly down on the red couch next to him, the grin of a maniac plastered on his face.

"Looking." He said brightly.

"For what?"

"The thing that will win me my bet of course!" James beamed.

"Hah! Don't make me laugh Prongs. You and I _both _know it'll be me winning tonight." A dangerous gleam sprung into Sirius' eyes, his plan was flawless! There was no way he couldn't win.

"Believe what you will Pads, believe what you will." James looked off to the side, suddenly distracted by something over Sirius' shoulder. "Excuse me for a sec will you." James rose, walking pointedly towards Lily, ruffling his hair slightly.

Grumbling Sirius sank back into the chair, his eyes trained solely on the doorway. Remus had to be coming soon.

-x-

He stared transfixed at the cascade of fire rolling down her back, tracing the strands as they tumbled gracefully over her round shoulders. How could one carry such a brilliant flame and not suffer from the heat of it? It was a question James asked quite often but could never find the answer to. As his feet brought him closer she turned, emerald green eyes gazing softly into his own.

"Hello Lily darling," he said, taking her hand in his. They fit perfectly together, like two lost puzzle pieces waiting to be found.

"Hello James." Her smile lit up the room, James' heart melting.

"How about we do something tonight, celebrate the end of classes."

Lily chuckled. "Of course you would want to celebrate that, but okay. What do you have in mind?"

"That, my love, is a surprise."

"Oh?"

"Yes. All that's expected of you is to come to the Room of Requirement at eight and have a fabulous time." He stroked the side of her face; fingers trailing softly down her pale cheeks.

"Alright." Lily said, chuckling once more and kissing his lips lightly. "I'll be there."

-x-

_Jim pushes his body up against mine as my arms wrap around his neck and my fingers entwine with his hair. His lips crush mine, the sharp taste of cigarettes on my lips, his hunger growing instead of fading. I can't think, I can hardly breathe, I'm not even sure of what I'm doing… _

_His tongue grazes my bottom lip and I slightly part them. The taste of cigarettes explodes in my mouth, addicting and yet so very repulsing at the same time. He steers me away from the corner and onto a flat wall, his hands travel down my arms and then to t-_

"Reading?"

Sirius nearly jumped out of his seat, the book dropping with a thud next to his feet. Turning sharply he came face to face with a grinning Remus, his chocolate brown eyes shinning.

"Remus!" Sirius exclaimed, swooping down to snatch the book from the floor. "Why'd you have to scare me like that?"

"I didn't mean to," the werewolf said apologetically, sitting in the armchair across from his boyfriend. "I was just surprised."

"Surprised?"

"It's not everyday you sit down and read Sirius."

"I was bored! And besides, you were taking forever to get here."

"Excuses, excuses. So… what were you reading?" Remus asked, leaning forward, placing his head on one of his hands.

Sirius flushed red, pushing the book aside. "Nothing! Well nothing important that is."

Remus laughed at this, "of course it wasn't."

"I'm serious! I just found it on a table and picked a random page."

"Alright, alright." Remus smiled, his eyes glancing quickly over to the discarded book and then back at the embarrassed anamagus. Sirius could be so adorable sometimes.

"Hey Remsie," Sirius said after a moment of silence. "When do you think James is going to be with Lily tonight?"

"I don't know. Why?"

Sirius grinned mischievously, "oh no reason. I just thought was could fulfil our side of the bet is all." He said leaning back comfortably.

Brown eyes widened, "oh?"

"Unless you want to wait for some other day. That'd be fine."

"No, no! Tonight's good."

Laughing Sirius stood up. "If only they knew…"

-x-

The sun began to sink slowly into the horizon, casting long shadows throughout the corridors. The air was cool, a small breeze coursing through the open windows. It was peaceful, serene, and something that you could only find there at Hogwarts.

Checking her watch Lily began her short walk to the Room of Requirement, wondering once more what it was she would find there. She'd come up with a whole manner of ideas, but none seamed like something James would come up with. It would be over the top that's for sure, but something that was sure to please her to no end. He was good with that and could take her breath away without really trying. A small smile spread across her face, he had changed so much from last year and all the years before that. If she had known this side of him earlier… she shook her head, now wasn't the time for reminiscing. There was a surprise to be discovered.

As she approached the wall a door emerged, growing until it was almost as tall as the ceiling. Without touching it, it opened, revealing nothing but black. Sighing Lily walked inside the room, hearing the door closing softly behind her.

She stood there uncertainly, wondering where James was and what exactly she was supposed to be doing. Slowly a dim glow grew around her, it's light flickering in and out of existence. At first she wasn't sure if what she had just saw was real or not, but then it became stronger, almost strong enough to see.

Her eyes widened when she realized the glow was coming from thousands of stars scattered gracefully across the ceiling and the walls until eventually fading into dark. In the corner hung a large full moon. On the ground lay a circle of pillows, rose petals sprinkled around them, and in the centre sat James.

"Do you like it?" He asked standing, coming over to take her hand.

"I love it," she gasped, allowing herself to be dragged over to the pillows.

"I'm glad you do."

Sitting down they gazed up at the sky, watching as a shooting star grazed the celestial heights.

-x-

Bounding up the stairs Sirius burst into the room. "He's gone!" He exclaimed, throwing his arms triumphantly into the air. Grinning he did a small dance before closing the door and crossing over to Remus.

"I could've told you that, Pads." Remus said swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

"Hush Love." Sirius said softly, bring a finger to the other boy's lips. "Tonight is not the time for talking." Bending down he pecked his love on the cheek, his lips already longing for the others. Suppressing the urge Sirius sat on the bed, caressing Remus' cheek, and tracing his pink lips. He was perfect.

Not able to take it any longer he felt his lips brush against his… a soft kiss, and then another, and another. Soon the world around them didn't matter, in a few moments it would be like it didn't even exist. The only thing that was real was each other; the only two people alive were them.

-x-

"Lily?" James asked softly, taking his eyes off the night sky.

"Mmm?"

He watched as she looked over at him, the moon shining just perfectly upon her face and illuminating her eyes. "I have something for you." Reaching into his pocket he brought out something small, placing it gently in between them.

Leaning forward Lily squinted at the tiny object. "What is it?" She asked.

"A seed." James said simply, drawing out his wand.

"A seed?" She looked over at her boyfriend confused. Why did he want to give her a seed?

"Watch."

He pointed his wand at the seed, breathing in deeply. He had tried it before a few times but hadn't actually tested the spell on this one in fear of ruining it. "Surrelium." He whispered, a white beam of light emitting from the tip of his wand.

Slowly the seed rose, roots sprouting from the bottom while a steam peaked out from it's hiding place. Before their eyes grew a flower, it's petals opening in a burst of light.

Flicking his wand once more the flower began to move, it's steam bending elegantly as if in a bow, the leaves acting like arms. Then without warning it began to dance.

Lily stared transfixed at the sight, never seeing anything more beautiful. Its dance was like a story, one of life and growth, love and then eventually death. She watched in silence as it curled into a ball, it's petals drooping as if it were crying, then, it was over.

Reaching up Lily took the flower carefully into her hands. "That was beautiful James." She looked up at him, "Thank you."

James smiled, stowing his wand away. "Anytime my Lily flower."

-x-

Sirius pulled roughly at Remus' shirt… that damned thing only got in the way, why even wear it? Reluctantly he broke away, pulling the shirt off and flinging it to the floor. _Much better_ he thought bringing his body closer to Remus', his lips finding their way down his neck. Remus groaned, his arms snaking tightly around Sirius' back. He wanted so badly to feel him, to touch him. His nails dug into his skin, he needed him.

Sirius brought his mouth back to Remus' their kiss deepening. Lowering Remus onto his back Sirius crawled on top of him, straddling his hips and looming dangerously above him. Leaning down Sirius licked the bottom of the werewolf's lips, his hot breath tickling Remus' nose.

"What do you want?" Breathed Sirius, his lips brushing his lover's.

"You."

Remus crushed his mouth against his own, quickly claiming it as his. Running his fingers down Sirius' chest he felt a low moan from him. Nibbling slightly at the anamagus' lips he brought his hands lower.

-x-

Glancing down at his watch James sighed. "We should probably get going, it's almost eleven."

"I suppose your right," sighed Lily, pulling her gaze away from the stars one last time. Gathering the flower in her hands she stood, James right beside her. Taking his hand they walked slowly out the door.

"I had a great time tonight." Lily said with a smile.

"I did too." James said smiling back.

They made their way back to the common room in silence, parting at the dormitory stairs with a kiss.

"Good night James."

"Good night Lily."

Turning he climbed tiredly up the stairs. _What a day, _he thought. _What an amazing day. _

-x-

"We are gathered here today to decide the winner of the bet!"

Lily looked over at Sirius, confused. "What bet?"

Eyes wide Sirius turned towards James. "You didn't tell her?"

"Well uhm… no. Not really... no." James replied, becoming very interested in his fingernails.

"Prongs! Ah… no matter." Sirius shrugged. "Lily, did James woo you with his love expertise last night?"

She looked furiously at her boyfriend and his best friend. All that last night was just for some stupid bet? Grumbling she said yes.

"And Remus! Did Sirius amaze you with his kissing skills?" James asked.

"Yes…" he said, Remus' face turning red as memories from last night flooded his mind.

"Now Lily, think carefully. Who do you think should win Eternal Epic Boyfriend Status?"

"Remus." She said without skipping a beat.

Sirius and James looked incredulously at her. "You can't choose him!"

"And why not? He's Sirius' boyfriend isn't he? He should count!"

"Thank you Lily but it's between them."

Lily sighed. She would never understand the three of them. "Fine, I pick Sirius."

James stared open mouthed at his fiery Lily flower. "But what about me? What about last night?" He grabbed her hands and brought them to his heart. "Did it not mean anything to you?" He asked softly.

Untangling her hands from his Lily looked into his eyes. "Of course it did," she said sweetly. "But I'm still mad at you." Turning away she looked pointedly in the other direction.

Sighing James carried on, "Remus. Who do you think should win Eternal Epic Boyfriend Status?"

"Sirius."

Eyes growing wide Sirius jumped into the air, squealing (of course it was a very manly squeal). "I won! I'm the most Epic Boyfriend in the world!!!" Bouncing over to James Sirius stuck out his hand. "Good bet."

Grinning evilly James shook Sirius' hand. "Just you wait Black. I'm going to beat you next time!"

Sirius returned the smile. "You think that Potter. You think that."

***

Woo I'm exhausted. Sorry about the sloppy-ish ending. I hope you liked it! I had so much fun writing it =]  
Merry Christmas Everybody!!!


	11. Valentine's Day in May

::Disclaimer:: I in no way own any of the characters mentioned below….. yes I know it's tragic, but we'll get through it together!

Sorry for the huge wait!! I know… I'm a horrible, lazy person =(

Sighh…. But thank you to everyone who's reviewed and alerted and favourited! You guys are the absolute BEST! 3

Sirius

_Remus_

**James**

Peter

* * *

(Middle of fifth year. Relationships: Remus and Sirius Crush)

Happy Valentine's Day! ^ - ^

**But it's not-**

Yes it is!

_Padfoot… it's May_

So?

_Valentine's Day is in February_

… No it's not

**Yes it is, even I know that**

But… Everyday is Valentine's Day! XD

_No Sirius, it's not_

Says who!?

**Says me! Now go away**

James! How dare you hurt me so! Pushing me away in such an inconsiderate manor. You're lucky I don't tell your mother, she loves me oh so dearly you know. She would be appalled at the way you're treating me ri-

**Why does he have to have a head?**

_Perhaps we didn't something bad in a past life and this is our punishment._

**Oh great… We're stuck with him forever aren't we?**

_Regretfully yes. _

Regretfully!? You should be honoured that I, Sirius Orion Black, have wondered oh so willingly into you're pitiful and boring lives to introduce a sense of –

**I wonder when he'll realize we're not listening.**

_Probably not for a long time… he likes to talk_

**Write more like**

_Hear himself think_

**Haha, well that's not often! Maybe we should let him indulge in that luxury for just a bit longer **

I can read everything you're writing

**Really? I was under the impression that you lacked the various skills needed to perform such a task. **

Why are you all writing in big words?

We're not Peter, we're using words that show our mental capacities and intelligence. 

**Or lack there of….**

Hey!

But still… it's confusing.

Right you are. So let's go on to a less confusing topic…. Like who's gonna be my Valentine! =D

**Uhm… let's not**

Nawww but Jamsiekins! Don't you want to know who I've chosen to be mine today?

**No. And besides, I already know who it is. **

_You do_

**Sure it's-**

DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!! …. You'll ruin the surprise

That wasn't dramatic or anything

**Nope, not at all**

So who is it?

**Oh Peter! Don't encourage him! He'll just… keep talking. And talking. And talking some more. Until we all die from talk-overload**

There's no such thing Prongs

**Well there should be….**

_I agree_

Back to my lovely Valentine! 3

**Do we have to?**

Yes. 

**Fine whatever. Just get it over with**

'Clears throat'

**Oh great, sound effects….**

James!

**Okay, okay…. Sorry**

'Clears throat AGAIN!' Moony?

_Uhmm… yes?_

Will you be my Valentine?

…… _Sure_

Yay!!! Hehe XD Alright, I'm done now

**Awww… How cute**

Shut it Potter

**I thought you'd be happy for my support**

Uhm yeah… when it's not dripping in sarcasm!

**But that's just how I am! I'm a sarcastic, melodramatic, love drunk bloke on a mission to get the one he loves most. **

_Funny, you just described Padfoot_

Hey! I'm not love drunk!

_Ahhh, but you are sarcastic and melodramatic are you not? _

I can't help it! It's how I am

**No copying my amazingness!**

I can copy it any time I want thanks

**Says who?**

Remmypoo

_Why am I being dragged into this?_

Because. As my Valentine for the day you agree with everything I say and do

_I never agreed to that!_

**Oh admit it Rem. You like it**

_I do not!_

**Ooohh! Getting defensive are we? That's a sure sign that is**

_No it's not_

I agree with Prongs on this one

_Of course you would… it's most favourable to you after all_

Are you saying I only do things that benefit me?

… _Yes_

Hehe. You know me so well!

_I'd better. I've only been sharing a dorm with you for the past five years_

True that

**So Sirius. What are you and Rems gonna do now that you're Valentines and all that?**

_Wait, we have to do things together?_

Yeah! Like a…. date. 

… _A date? Wait. This whole Valentine's thing wasn't just some ploy to ask me out on a date now was it?_

…. No. Why would you ever think such a thing?

_Because I know you Pads. _

You'd better. We've just been sharing a dorm for-

_Sirius!_

Uhmm…. Yes?

_I'll go on a date with you… _

REALLY!???

… _On one condition. _

Oh…

_At least one hour of studying for the O.W.L's a night until the exams. _

WHAT? That's not fair!

_Oh really?_

Oh… fine! Alright

**Oh Merlin! **

_What?_

**You actually got him to agree to study! What is this world coming to!?**

_I know! Next Sirius will be a murderer and Peter a Death Eater!_

**Ahhhh!!! So scary!**

_I'm quaking in fear!_

You don't think I'm tough enough!?

**Haha! No!**

Well I'll show you!

**Wait… what!? You're not gonna….?**

Oh no, not that! Haha. But I will do… something!

_Haha, Riiight! _

**Maybe tickle us to death!**

I hate you James

**Love ya too Pads!**

* * *

Yes I know… that was short. But I needed to get a new chapter up! I hoped you liked it =]


	12. All The Right Places FAILED!

::Disclaimer:: I in no way own any of the characters mentioned below….. Yes I know it's tragic, but we'll get through it together!  
Haha, I got my first flame! Too bad it was only about how horrible slash was and not how bad my writing is. Ahh well, we can only hope for better haters in the future, right?

For reference:

Sirius

_Remus_

**James**

Peter

* * *

(Beginning of Seventh Year. Relationships: Remus and Sirius)

**I've got it!**

Got what?

**The perfect way to ask Lily out of course!**

Of course….

**First I'm going to ask her to talk to me in private and lead her up to the tallest tower, the full moon shining romantically upon us-**

Uhm, sorry to burst your bubble, but your not going anywhere the full moon

**What wh- Ohhhhh… Yeah. Shit! Never mind**

I can't believe you forgot

**I didn't **_**forget**_

Mmmhmmm

**It's true! I just... wasn't thinking**

You do that a lot then

**Just don't tell Rems**

Your luck he's reading this right now

**Fuck!**

You're screwed kid

_You two are taking this way too seriously; it's not that big of a deal. _

**Yes it is! I should've known better…**

_You never know better when it comes to Lily, James. But if you want you can still go through with it… Sirius and Peter will still be with me. _

**No! I couldn't. I'd feel horrible… I'll come up with something else**

Damn right you will

_Sirius_

Hmm?

_Just drop it. It's fine_

But-

_No! You guys can't keep living your lives around my little problem. If James wants to ask Lily out on the full moon then let him. I'm not going to stop him. _

**Thanks Remus, but I'm still not going to do it. **

_Okay, your choice_

I still can't believe he-

_Sirius!_

Okay, okay!

_Thank you_

**So… what's everyone got planned for the weekend?**

You already know. Nothing

_That essay from Slughorn_

**Merlin you two are boring… you'd think you two would be more, I dunno… fun!**

What do you mean!? Just because I'm gay I have to have an amazing, exciting life?

**No… just more exciting than usu-**

I can't believe you! First forgetting Moony and now stereotyping me with gayness! I just… ERG!

_Don't mind him… he's a bit melodramatic right now_

**I can tell**

I am NOT melodramatic! How could you say that? Here I thought you were my best friend and now your judging me. 

**But I'm not-**

And then… And then last night! When you chucked that book at my head! That was totally uncalled for James!

**You were singing for **_**five**_** hours Sirius. FIVE HOURS!! Do you know how much one can take of your singing? NONE! And to LISTEN to your off key, out of tune singing for FIVE… WHOLE.. HOURS!!! Is enough to make someone chuck a book at your head.**

_I'm surprised no one did it sooner…._

And here you go complaining about my singing. Nothing I do is ever good enough is it? I-I think I'm gonna cry!… 'sniffle'

**And he says he's not dramatic… not dramatic my a-**

_I think he's wonderful _

**You would**

_Mmmmhmmm =]_

At least someone loves me! 

_Of course I love you_

Yay! =3

**You're way too nice Rem… don't tell me he's never gotten on your nerves at least once**

_Of course he has. _

What!? I have!??? WHEN!!!???

_Ehhh, it's not important_

Of course it is! Now I feel horrible…. 

**Sirius, the first person that you don't get on their nerves is crazy. Or even more annoying than you**

Why doesn't that make any sense?

**It makes perfect sense!**

The more I read it the more confused I get. Maybe it's the wording… I dunno. 

**It makes perfect sence!!**

You already said that

**I know**

Then why-

_I don't understand you two sometimes_

**What…? Why?**

_You fight all the time! Yet your best friends_

Just how it goes I guess

**Yeah**

_Eh, ok._

_

* * *

_

Short. Awkward ending. And yet I don't care. =D  
Reviews?


	13. The Cheetah Zombie Rising

::Disclaimer:: I in no way own any of the characters mentioned below….. Yes I know it's tragic, but we'll get through it together!

All right, I'm shooting for a long one here but I haven't begun writing it nor do I have any ideas yet. But usually when I write these things I have no ideas so maybe its all for the best. =]

For reference:

Sirius

_Remus_

**James**

Peter

* * *

(Middle of Third Year)

Hey James!

**Yeah?**

You see that kid sitting on the other side of the room? The one poking his nose with his wand?

**Mmmhmm. What about him?**

I dunno… Nothing I guess. I just thought it was funny. 

**Haha! It is pretty funny! I mean… what if he got spooked or something and he blasted a hole right through his nose?**

Or in his brain! That'd make my life!

**Or what if it slipped and went UP his nose! **

Ewww! That's gross! It'd be all covered in brains and boogies! Yuck

**True, true. But it'd still be great! Painful for him though…**

Haha, oh yeah! I forgot it would hurt… Still! It'd be funny!

_Well I'm glad that other people's pain amuses you so much Sirius_

You should be! I mean, how can you NOT laugh when someone gets hurt?

_Hmmm, well let me see. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that they _did_ get hurt and might not recover as quickly as you seem to do. What if it where you tha-_

Oh please Rems, it's not like I actually WANT him to blast a hole in his brain. I don't enjoy seeing people die. 

_Could've fooled me_

**Besides, we were just kidding around. You don't have to be getting defensive all of a sudden**

_I'm not defensive! _

Oh yeah! You're not defensive just like I'm not the most gorgeous man in the entire school!

_I'm glad we finally see it the same way then. _

Goo- WAIT! Are you denying my beauty!?

… _Yes._

Gods you're mean… 

_One of us has to be. _

**So anyways. I think I'm gonna talk to Evans today!**

……_._

…… 

Hey Rems! How are you?

**Wha- You don't care?!**

_I'm doing quite well Siri. How about you?_

**Oh cmon. Don't ignore me!**

I'm just fantastic! 

**Every time I bring up the love of my life!**

_That's great! _

Great like a Hippogriff! 

**Like a Hippogriff…?**

_Uhmm… alight then. _

Yeah. Oh hey! Do you guys wanna hear about my dream last night!?

**Uhh… No.**

_Not particularly_

Well I don't remember all of it. But I know I was in this house and the floor started to sink! (I know, crazy isn't it?) 

**Not in the slightest**

And I ended up in a room filled with Muggle Candy Corn. I ate some. It was alight. Not as good as anything from Honeydukes, but it was good enough. 

_I don't like Candy Corn…. _

**I've never had it**

_Lucky…_

And then I went through a door and ended up in this really weird place that had a huge stone wall and trees growing all around it. I wanted to go see it but then this GIANT elephant showed up out of no where!

_You do know elephants are harmless right?_

Not when they have huge tusk things and want to trample you they aren't. But anyways! It ignored me and started eating some grass and stuff. It was kinda boring but I stayed there anyways. 

**I would've left**

_Same here_

Well I didn't so there! And it was a good thing to because just a few minutes later it wrapped its tusks about a tree branch and started swinging! Crazy right!?

**Uhh yeah. Crazy in a mental sort of way. Maybe we should bring him to Mungo's… **

I'm not crazy!!

**Coulda fooled me**

Why are you all so mean to me!?

_Because we love you =]_

It better be. Or else… or else… 

**You'd cry?**

NO!!! Blacks don't cry. 

**In public**

_Besides, didn't you want to do the opposite of what Blacks do? _

Well yeah, anyone would want to being related to that lot. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna start crying! I mean does James start crying every time Lily ignores him or when he falls off his broom?

_Well… maybe_

**I DON'T CRY!!!**

See, it's not _just _a Black thing. It's an every man thing. 

**Unless youuu cry Remsie **

_Nope. But if I ever did I wouldn't have it be such a big deal. It's natural after all. _

So you're saying we're _UNnatural_!??

**Remus you're so mean!**

_So I've been told_

Can I be unnatural like a zombie?

**Like a WHAT?**

Zombie! They're the mindless undead who walk around making cheetah noises while eating people's brains. 

**Oh Merlin. These things exist!? Since when?? Oh God, oh god! Quick! We need to get underground so they can't get us! We need secret passages and tunnels and a whole arsenal of-**

_They're not real. _

…**. Huh?**

_They're just something the Muggles made up. Like the Internet. _

**What!? Internet's not real either!??**

_I'm afraid so_

**That's so sad! And here I was, thinking that with just a touch of a button I could have the whole world at my fingertips!**

You also thought that we needed to go underground to defeat the zombies when in reality we need to be hundreds of feet above!

**Wow I feel stupid. Thanks for telling me how to defeat these zombies Sirius. **

Oh no problem. And just remember! Aim for the head!

_How did I even end up with these people?_

**Merlin! You're just a plethora of great and amazing knowledge today aren't you?**

That I am!

_Even though zombies don't exist. _

**Such lies that spew from your lips Remus. Zombies exist even if the Internet does not. **

You know… Zombies are scarily like Inferi

… **What's that?**

_You don't know?_

**No. **

Must have something with growing up in a decent family I guess. Siigh

_Inferi are dead people cursed to do a wizard's bidding_

And if they wanted them to run around making cheetah sounds and eating people's brains they could!

**Making a zombie!!! These Muggles really aren't as stupid as we think huh?**

Decidedly not

_For once I think you have a point_

My knowledge is so great I am even shining out the Magnificent Remus! 

_Don't get too used to it. _

I won't… see, in just a few minutes you're going to write something that is so totally mind-boggling that even I, the Amazing Brilliant Sirius! can't even begin to understand

_Right once again my young pupil_

Since when am I your pupil?

_Since now. _

**Can I-**

_No_

**But!**

_No_

**I don't like you….**

You can be MY pupil!

**Uhhh… No**

Oh my heart! Breaking into a thousand million pieces! You're words hurt me so James. They hurt me so!!!!

**Good. **

Ohhhh my heart!!!! Again!!!!!

_See what you did James? Now he's all dramatic again. _

**I quite enjoy it**

_You would_

Gahh!!!

**I always wonder what he's like in person whenever he gets like this. I never have him in any classes so I don't know**

_He just gets really fidgety and smiles a lot_

**Aww… so he's not really upset? Damn….**

I am too upset! And I'm not smiling!

_Have you forgotten I sit only a few desks away from you? I can see you. _

Stalker!!

_Oh Merlin Sirius! Don't do that ever again_

**What'd he do, what'd he do!!??**

I just waved at him

_While licking your lips_

**Ewwww gross! **

Hey, if he wants to stalk me he's gonna have to pay the price

_I don't mean to stalk you. And if I remember correctly weren't you the one who wanted all the same classes as me last year?_

Well… 

**That settles it then! Sirius WANTED you to be his stalker! **

Yeah…. Sure. Whatever you say James

**I'm so smart!**

You wish. Remsiepooz is so much more smarter than you!

_Don't call me that_

Awww, but it fits you so well! 

_No_

**I think no is his favourite word**

I think so too

_I'm not even gonna say it or else you two could have even more evidence against me_

VICTORIOUS!!!

_Hey…. Class is over. _

Is it really?

_Yes_

**LIES!!!!!!!!!!**

**

* * *

**Reviews? =D


	14. Almost Confessions Maybe

It's been way too long since my last update… I'm sorry!

And a huge, towering, awesome-fied thank you to everyone who's reviewed and read this. You guys are AMAZING! =D

Sirius

_Remus_

**James**

Peter

* * *

(Middle of fifth year. Relationships: Remus and Sirius crushes XD)

I feel like singing

**Please don't. I'd like to keep my sanity for the moment thanks**

What's that James? You'd like me to sing for you?

**If you sing I swear I'll curse you so hard you won't even know right from left!**

_He already doesn't know right from left James, so your curse would be pointless. _

**Damn…. **

I do too know right from left!

_Prove it then_

Right now James is on my right waaaayyy over there and that ugly annoying girl with the pigtails is on my left and waaaayyy too close.

…**. I guess he does know it**

That's right! I never fail to amaze with my intellegance! 

_You spelled intelligence wrong_

What? No I didn't. LIES!

_Sighh…._

Don't you go sighing me Mr. Moony!

_I will sigh you all I want_

Not if I don't let you

_Oh, you will let me_

**Why am I getting a really sketchy vibe from all of this?**

Because you are a sketcher and think of everything pervertedly

**Ah, okay. That sounds just about right. **

I don't find anything about it perverted

**That's because, my ratty friend, you have yet to develop the skills needed to find a second meaning to what has been said. **

…. Oh. That's saddening

It is saddening. That's why we aren't going to speak of this anymore and move onto a more interesting subject.

_Such as…?_

Myself of course!

**I vote no**

_Agreed_

Something else

**Lily!**

Oh gods no! Oooh! QUESTION! 

_What?_

If you had to pick either me or Lily to have a conversation about who would you pick?

**LIL-!**

You don't count James

**Awww…. =/**

_I don't know Sirius_

It's a simple question Moonsies

_Not exactly_

What do you mean?

_Well…. If I pick Lily then you're going to go off on a rant about how I hate you and that I'm so mean to you all the time. Blah, blah, blah. And if I pick you then you're going to take that as an opportunity to talk about yourself, and that's just as bad_

…. So?

_So, I'd like to keep whatever little sanity I have left thank you_

You're no fun Remikins 

_I don't try to be_

I can tell….

**Oooh! Guess what!**

What, WHAT!

**I heard a rumour that our little Peter was caught with a girl last night**

WHAT! Peter!

… Yes?

Why didn't you tell us?

Well… I dunno if we're actually, you know, going out. It's kinda complicated

Awww, how cute! Little Peter is growing up 

**And getting involved in complicated love relationships**

It's a miracle!

_So who is she?_

Oh, um… Tracy Perkins

**I knew it! She's good for you mate**

Very cute with her glasses

Thanks =]

**So Sirius, when are you gonna ask your little crush out?**

Crush? What crush? I have no idea what you are talking about. 

**Riight. It'd be so much easier if you would just get it over with already**

Yeah, same with you and Evans. 

**Hey! That's a very difficult and delicate situation**

And so is mine. In fact, I think mine is even more important. 

**Oh really?**

Yeah! If Evans rejects you, like she always does, it's not like anything's gonna change. If mine does…. Then I dunno

_Who is it?_

Uhm… no one

_Oh come on! You'll tell James but not me?_

…. Yes. 

_I don't find that fair at all_

**Your smart Remus, you can figure it out can't you?**

_Well yeah, probably. _

But you won't. 

_How do you know? I'm pretty good at figuring out things I wanna know_

**Don't underestimate him Pads. **

I'm not underestimating anyone! I just don't think he should be poking into other people's business. 

_Ok, I'll keep that in mind the next time you want to know something. _

Wait! No! That's not what I meant!

_Oh well, your loss. Unless you tell me_

**Yeah Sirius, tell him**

No! I refuse

**You can't hold out forever you know**

I can and I will

_If you tell me I can help you get them. I got Trevor and Christine together and you know how tough that was_

**They hated each other from the moment they met….**

Yeah well it's different ok?

_How so?_

I'm not telling

_You are way to stubborn! _

I know

* * *

I know... that was short a barely enough to cover my absence. But I am working on the next letter and it should be out soon! PROMISE! =]  
Oh... and reviews are absolutely lovely (:


	15. Do You Have a Spoon?

And just as I promised, another letter (:

Sirius

_Remus_

**James**

Peter

* * *

(End of sixth year. Relationships: Sirius and Remus)

Do you have a spoon?

What do you mean?

I mean, do you have a spoon.

Uhmm…

Don't you know what a spoon is?

Yeah…

Well I need one

**For what?**

Are you cooking?

What? No!

**Eating?**

No…

**Then what do you need a spoon for?**

I need it to finish my plan.

**Your plan. **

Yes! My plan

**Why? What's your plan?**

I can't give you my plan! You'd steel it…

**Oh, so your saying you don't trust me then**

No!

**Then what is it?**

It is a plan… of WORLD DOMINATION!

Are you doing some sort of study?

…. Yeah, sure! A study (:

**Peter, don't listed to his lies. Sirius Black doesn't study**

Oh….

**So how do I give you these spoons?**

Hehe I was hoping you'd ask that! Now, all you have to do is package up all of your spoons and put them in your mailbox. My minions will do all of the rest. It is quite simple you see.

**But I don't have a mailbox**

I don't even know what a mailbox is!

Oh Peter. Young, sweet, dumb Peter. A mailbox is what muggles use to send their mail. 

Ohhhhh. So the box flies like our owls?

Wha- No!

You're making no sense

Well enough of that! And to fix the mailbox situation all you have to do is get a box, put your name on the side and put the spoons in it. Simple. 

**My god your genius!**

Haha, yes. Yes I know

_Can I join you in your World Domination plan?_

Why yes you can Moonsies

**Ooooooooh Can I?**

If you fill out my minion application. 

**What? You let Remus in on it for nothing but you make your Best Friend fill out an application! What is this!**

I can leave it in your mailbox after the spoon collection.

**That's no fair. **

Can I join?

I'll leave two applications

_I must ask you though. Are you a criminal wanted by the law?_

Oh yes, yes I am. But they do not know who I am. I'm like an evil Batman working in the shadows….

So you're like a spy!

In a way I guess I am. I'm more of the Evil Mastermind type though

Oooooh

**Once I join your Evil Genius Army what are you going to make me do?**

Why you are going to help me collect spoons of course! That is the main part of my evil plan! And once I have you all tucked away safe and sound inside of my Secret Evil Lair, I shall tell you what all of these spoons are for.

**And will we get paid?**

Of course! I am quite a rich and profitable villain

**That's good. I don't work for nothing you see**

Oh I know James. I know

**How do you-**

Because I've been watching you Potter. I've been watching you all from day one

_Have you_

Yes! But don't be alarmed! I could sense your greatness all along. You three are worthy of Villainess! 

How?

… You just are! Deal with it.

**Ok. Works for me**

_And how do I know you're not lying? Assess me._

Not on here my young friend! They could be watching

_They?_

Yes! The Ministry, the Muggle Government! All of them!

_Uh huh…_

And if they find out anything about you they will hunt you down.

_But you've already revealed so much of your Evil Plan_

I did? Oh shit…

**Some Evil Genius you are…**

I AM THE BEST! Well…. We will deal with the authorities if and when they arrive. 

What would they do to us if they caught us?

Well, if they caught one of you they would probably have you arrested and put into some underground torture chamber in Azkaban. Then they would use a manner of different methods of torture and force you to answer a series of mind-boggling questions. All meant to find out where I am. 

They doesn't sound too fun…

_And why don't they just use V__eritaserum__?_

Because their way is more fun! For them…

**And have you ever gotten caught before?**

Not yet but I have had a few very close calls. Which is why I need you three

Can we trust you?

Have I been untrustworthy?

_Answering a question with another question always poses some sort of distrust_

Then yes. You can trust me

Ok!

**Don't give in so easily Peter. This is a very crafty man we are speaking with.**

He is?

I am?

**Yes. Just as he has been watching us, I have been watching him.**

What? How come? 

**I have been tracking your movements. Waiting for the right time to capture you and stop your Evil Reign! **

What? No! This cannot be!

**Yes. It can. **

I though I had gotten rid of you in our last Epic Battle!

**You thought wrong. All this time I have been waiting, growing ever stronger, and observing your every move just to bring you to JUSTICE!**

Curses! You will never catch me! 

**Oh, I think you will find that I already have.**

What do you mean?

**You see, your partner in crime, your so called lover has been working for me this whole time!**

What? Remus! How… how could you?

_I'm sorry Sirius. He's just to powerful…._

I thought you loved me…

_I do Sirius_

Lies! It was all just one big lie!

_No…_

**Enough! I will not tolerate these feeble lies any longer. Sirius! I challenge you to this one last fight. A fight to the death!**

_No! Sirius don't do it_

… I must. I can never back down!

**Ahahahahahaaa!**

But first my Evil Nemesis…. Do you have a spoon?

**Wha- a spoon? Of course I have you spoon! Why wouldn't I?**

May I see it? 

**What for?**

When I was young my father couldn't afford to give me nice things like toys or soap, all he could afford was wooden spoons. So he would come home every Saturday with a new and better spoon for my collection. Sometimes he could even find a silver spoon, those were the special ones. You see, those silver spoons were my friends, I would play with them like a child would a doll. I'd put faces on them and glue grass on the tips like hair and we'd have so many adventures…. So before we battle to the death, I would like to say one last goodbye to my Spoon Friends. 

…**.. That was a very moving story, and me being the good guy I shall let you have your parting wish! A spoon for you.**

HAH! I can't believe you fell for it! You are so STUPID! With this final spoon my quest for World Domination is complete! Oh… and James, my family is a bunch of filthy rich snobs, I thought you had already known that. 

**Curse you and your effective lying!**

AHAHAHAAAA! And now… THE WORLD IS MINEE!

… How exactly is it yours?

I dunno. But it is. 

**Wait, you don't actually have a real plan for those spoons**

Nope.

**Then you can't win! You have to have a real plan or else those spoons are just trash and I kick your ass**

No, I am the Evil Mastermind. Those spoons are being used for World Domination.

**Lies! I win and your ass has been kicked!**

Fuck that! I win

_I don't think any of you win_

**What? Why?**

_Because none of this was real. Because Sirius really doesn't have 12 million spoons and you aren't even in the same room as Sirius to kick his ass. _

… Mine's cooler so I win

**No way! Mine's more realistic!**

Collecting spoons for World Domination is realistic!

**Uhmm… no it's not**

And how do you know? Have you ever tried it before?

**No, and neither has anyone else. Ever. **

Still doesn't mean it can't be done!  
_Again, neither of you win. _

I WIN!  
**NO I WIN!  
**_It's not real so none of you win. End of story. And if you two don't stop arguing I'm discontinuing this note. Permanently._

What?

**You can do that?**

_Yes. And I wouldn't regret it_

Yes you would! You love talking to us every single second of the day

**Without us you'd be bored to a crisp**

_No, I'd be able to pay more attention to Transfiguration and Ancient Ruins_

Yeah… bored to a crisp

_Nahh_

**Yes**

And if you made it stop working how could I cheat on tests?

**Or know the answer to every question?**

Or have awesome conversations with you guys

**Or plan nightly pranks?**

Or late night rendezvous? 

**Or have any fun?**

_Oh lets see… by talking to each other in between classes and actually studying. _

**Ahh but Moony, that's so…. Boring!**

So you want me to tell you all the dirty things I want to do to you tonight… in the hallway?

_Uhm… no_

**Wait, you use this to dirty talk eachother! What the fuck!**

_No, he uses it to tell me disgusting things_

**And why can't we ever see it?**

You want to read it? Perv… 

_I put a charm on it so only we can see it_

**That's no fair! What if I want a nice and private conversation with Peter? Hmmm?**

_Then I guess I can teach you the spell. _

**Haha! I win**

Don't you start that again! We BOTH know it is I that wins

_And we all know what will happen if you two won't shut up_

Oh… right

**Damn you**

_I'm the best_

I'd agree to that

**You would**

I am

Do you really want me to give you a spoon?

Yes! 

Ok.

My quest to World Domination is beginning! This is so cool

**And what exactly are you going to be doing with all these spoons?**

Well, I have a few ideas going. I could melt down all the spoons and make a giant robot that will control everyone's mind. I could put a spell on the spoons, sell them, and have every person that touches the spoons be controlled by me. Or I can make a rocket ship and go to Mars. 

**A rocket ship. **

Yes! A Rocket Ship!

**And you're going to go to Mars. **

Yes. 

**Can I come!**

Yeah! You can all come! 

**We'll make a world just for us on Mars!**

It'll be fantastic!

**Wonderful!**

Positively Epic!

**I can't wait! Quick… Get more spoons!**

All in due time my friend, all in due time.

* * *

So this was based off of a conversation I had on omegle. I think the other guy thought I was serious about getting all of these spoons. He asked if I was telling the truth. I said yes.  
But enough of that! Thank you for reading! I love you all! =]

Review-cicles!


	16. Victory Shall Be MINE!

So let's see now… It's been about a year-ish since I wrote any of these. That is a long time to wait… Sorry guys! I write this letter to make up for it though and show that I really do remember you!

Oh, and if some of you are interested I've got a new story I'm working on. It's called Just a Memory so check it out!  
P.S. I love you people! Don't forget that!

Now on with the tomfoolery:

Sirius

_Remus_

**James**

Peter

* * *

(End of fifth year Relationships: Sirius and Remus Crushess)

**I HATE these stupid O.W.L's… they're pointless!**

_How can they be pointless? They decide your whole entire future_

**How is giving me a test going to determine how well I do in life? It's not**

_And this is why you've failed_

**Failed what? James does not fail anything!**

_I beg to differ_

**Just because you find yourself lacking does not mean you can tell me how much I fail at life**

_Excuse me? _

**That's right! I have more than you do. **

… _That has nothing to do with your success in li-_

**Remus, Remus, Remus… for the smartest boy in school you can be so oblivious**

_I know what your getting at James, I am not oblivious. I also know how much you rely on sex_

**I don't rely on it! And besides, you already know I've only done it with one girl**

_But you want more_

… **So**

_My point exactly. Just because you think you have a huge dick doesn't mean that will get you far in life. _

**If I give it up to the right people it might**

_And you do realize that most of the right people are men right? _

…**. I'll have their secretaries put in a good word for me**

_Most of them are very old_

**That's not true! Men like to surround themselves with beautiful women. And that is why I like Evans **

_Your such a tool_

**I am not!**

I think you are

**Oh Merlin, don't you get into this too**

Personally I slightly agree with you James, a sexy penis does get you pretty far but I wouldn't want that to ruin my reputation. The world is more based on that than sex

**Says the one who bailed out minutes before that one girl got in your pants**

I wasn't feeling well, I had to go. But that's not the point, the point is-

**The point is in order to find my views true you must get laid**

_Or be as dim witted as you_

Awww, James isn't dim witted. He's just enthralled with the vagina

**You would be too. It's a magical place**

I wouldn't doubt it…?

**Hell to the yeah! **

_I think I'm going to leave_

Noooo! Remus! I wanted to tell you something

_What?_

Your hair looks nice today

_Oh… uhm… thank you Sirius_

Your welcome. So yeah… you can go now

_Yeah… ok. Bye guys_

**Bye**

Bye

:::::::A few itty bitty seconds later:::::

**So when the hell are you going to tell him!**

… Tell him what?

**That you have a huge crush on him!**

I don't know what you are talking about. I don't like Moony

**That's not what you said before**

I know what I said before.

**Then when are you going to say it! The tension is overbearing**

I… I just can't

**You do know that he's gay too right?**

WHAT? He is?

**Yeah… he had a thing with a sixth year about a month ago but it ended quickly.**

Why didn't you tell me sooner? What if he likes me?

**Then go and be the bigger man! Step up and profess your love!**

…. I can't though

**Eeeerrrg! WHY! **

I don't know how…

**You don't know…. Sirius! How many girls have you asked out?**

Around ten

**And how many said yes?**

Ten…

**There you go! Just do it how you did it before**

But Remus is special… He's one of my best friends! I can't just go "hey baby, I think your hot. Wanna go make out in the hidden staircase?'!

**That works?**

Use enough charm and stroke the side of her jaw and she'll melt in your arms

**Awesome! I'm using that tonight**

You have fun with that

**I will! **

So what am I going to do! I like him but I don't want to loose him, but if he likes me too then I'm just wasting time getting to him. And what if in this wasted time he finds another lover and he's better than me and has a hotter penis than me! You know it's all about the penis these days!

**Oh Sirius. Sirius, Sirius, Sirius. If Remus likes you he won't be swayed by another man's penis, he'll only want yours. **

James. That is the most beautiful thing you've ever said. This is why you're my best mate. 

**Oh Pads, you really do know how to make a guy feel special… Now use your talents on Moony and get this over with! You know you want to. If you want I can always have him come back on, he is sitting next to me.**

NO! You can't do that. I've gotta do this in person or else it wouldn't feel right. You only get slutty hoes to go out with you using notes. With a soul mate you've gotta do it in person. With the right kind of mood lighting on a dark and moonless night. 

**You're the boss Pads. But remember, do it fast ok. I saw some guy make some googly eyes at him earlier. **

Oh no he didn't! Who was it? Tell me now! I'll kill him!

**I dunno. Some kid from Hufflepuff.**

Oh. Haha, you made me all upset for nothing. Hufflepuffs are all idiots, there's no way Moonies would fall for one of those lumps. 

**I'm just saying, do it quick. **

Okay, okay. I'll do my best. But the end of this week Remus J. Lupin will be my boyfriend! 

**That's the spirit!**

HHAAARRRUUUGGAAHHHH!

…**. What was that?**

That my dear friend was the sound of winning.

**Oh…. I like it. On the count of three then?**

One….

**Two….!**

THREE!

**HHHAAARRRRUUUUGGGAAHAHA!!**

You guys are so cool.

* * *

Don't forget! Check out the new story. It's a lot more serious than this one and is an actual story (oh look at me, I'm growing up!). It's Harry and Tom Riddle so if you like them you 'll like it.  
TaTa my dearies!


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